Bullshire Police Officers wearing silly suits are currently investigating an incident involving ‘Corona’ right here in Bullshire.

Whilst trawling social media for something to make up a story about, one of our intrepid so-called ‘Journalists’ came across a post from Bullshire Police.

Without doing any further research, we will just copy what they’ve said verbatim; but will garner a little bit of ad-revenue after popping a click-bait headline on.

“…We are aware of information currently circulating on Social Media concerning an ongoing incident here in Bullshire.

In the early hours of today [30/01/2020] Bog Standard Response Officers attended an alarm activation at The Bullgain Boozes on Bullshire High Street.

Upon arrival at the location, it became apparent that damage had been caused to the windows; and that a number of items had apparently been stolen from within the premises, but discarded nearby.

Due to the nature of the incident, Bog Standard Response Officers remained at the scene whilst specialist Bullshire Police Officers attended to carry out further investigation.

Early indication suggests that damage was caused to the windows of The Bullgain Boozes in order for display items to be stolen.

However, it would appear that the offenders quickly realised what they had stolen; and, after opening the bottle of booze and popping a lime in the neck of the bottle, discarded it.

A spokesperson for Bullshire Police said,

“…We are currently in attendance at an incident down at The Bullgain Boozes where a number of open bottles of #Corona have been discarded.

We are not certain at this stage whether local thick people targeted the premises in order to destroy the #Corona; or whether they simply wanted to steal booze; and, when they realised they’d stolen #Corona, became worried because they’re thick an discarded it.

Bullshire Police Officers wearing silly suits are currently in attendance cleaning up the #Corona; because we’re so risk averse here in Bullshire Police, and our Duty Officer is also a bit thick.

Naturally, the Bog Standard Response Officers remain at the scene wearing no protective equipment because we don’t care about them. They are just a number on a spreadsheet and we treat them as cannon fodder…”