In a Bullshire Online exclusive, head honcho of Bullshire Police has spoken out about the idea of bringing in ‘Direct Entrant’ top cops.
Speaking over elevenses to our Bullshire Online reporter, Chief Constable Sir Mason Lodge (GCSE/MBSE) said,
I didn’t get where I am today very easily. At first I had to prove hot much of a liability I was at PC level. I was quickly promoted out of the way, because my Father – Trevor Lodge – was a Chief Inspector who played golf with the personnel manager.
Almost fighting tears at the thought of being replaced by someone who had a clue about leadership, Mason continued,
As a Sergeant I quickly learned how to bully my Constables. This was back in the time where I could also sexually harass the more attractive ones. But – as is still the case – the more attractive Constables were very quickly earmarked for promotion to the higher rank of Detective.
Due to my ineptness, my golf course membership, my secret club membership and the fact that I was a bullying buffoon I quickly climbed the ladder to where I am today.
Did you know, I haven’t arrested anyone for 26 years? THAT is success.
In recent years, ‘Direct Entry’ junior ranks have started to appear in Bullshire. On this subject, Sir Mason said,
Yeah. I knew about that but kept my mouth shut. I was like ‘Fuck you Jack, I’m alright’.
Our interview with Sir Mason had to be cut short due to him becoming genuinely upset that he might replaced by someone who actually had leadership skills, instead of being someone who, by virtue of them being a sycophantic buffoon with the right connections in the right secretive places, happened to have been promoted to the top cop position.